Assertiveness Training for Parents of Troubled TeensAssertiveness is the ability to express ones thoughts and feelings without violating the rights of others or expecting anything in return. There are four basic behavioral styles when it comes to expressing our thoughts and feelings: passive, aggressive, passive/aggressive, and assertive. A passive person gives into everyone elses whelm. S/he tries to avoid conflict by doing what others want him or her to do. As such, they are easily overwhelmed trying to please everyone. An aggressive individual is destructive, causing damage and conflict where ever they are. They tend to seek out conflict and will hurt others to keep from being hurt or hurting themselves. The have a volitile temper and are quick to get angry. They are also easily overwhelmed because they are always in conflict and trying to dominate those around them. This is very exhausting for both the dominatee and dominator.
A passive/aggressive individual is mercurial. He says one thing but does another. This is the teen that you tell to go clean up his room, and he says, "sure," goes in his room and watches TV, plays video games, or anything but clean up his room. This type of behavioral style is often seen in people who are being forced to do something they don't want to do, but feel they have no power to change it. They hurt themselves and the person with whom they are angry or in conflict. The assertive parent (or teen) expesses their thought or feeling in the here and now. They may get overwhelmed occassionally but they are not out to hurt others. They try to deal with conflicts as they occur and do not seek them out. How does someone express themselves assertively?
Parenting Basics Index:Top Horse: Who's the Parent?
Walk Your Talk Consistency Co-Parenting Divorced or Separated Co-Parenting Single Parenting Assertiveness Feeling Safe Because I Say So Accountability Communication: basic listening skills Communication: non-verbals Being Real and Authentic |
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