Co-parenting Your Troubled TeenCo-parenting your troubled teen is about parents working together to raise their teen. It is about being on the same page with each other. What exactly does "being on the same page" mean? This is about presenting and maintaining a united front with your teen. It is about not doing stuff to sabatogue each other on parenting decisions, especially about consequences. Too often we see one parent, for example, that is more of the disciplinarian make a decision, only to have the other parent step in and torpedo the decision by telling the teen something different or rescuing them. (Rescuing will be discussed at length under Co-dependency in the Empowering Parents section.) The teen soon learns about splitting and manipulation. If s/he does not get what s/he wants from one parent, s/he goes to the other parent and tries to manipulate that parent into getting what s/he wants. Sound familiar? The teen manages to split the parent and play one against the other. You need to negotiate and reach an agreement about consequences, discipline, rewards, rules, and everything parenting, with your spouse. The two of you need to present a united front to your teen or there will be hell to pay. This means you don't contradict each other in front of your teen. You do not argue with each other about these topics. If you have to, if there is a disagreement, go off and talk about it between yourselves. Come to an agreement. Then with a united front re-engage your teen on the issue. And speaking of rewards, this is a whole other ball of wax. One of my pet peeves is parents rewarding their teen for not behaving badly. They say, "Johnny, if you behave yourself at the _____ (or whatever), I will buy you something you want (i.e. give you a reward of some kind)." You are putting your teen in the position to blackmail you. You are essentially saying their threat of misbehavior will be rewarded. Or the teen is blowing out, as in having a teen tamptrum, and you tell him if he will quit, you will give him a reward. This is crazy! Stop, think. What are you doing? Appropriate behavior is expected! It is the expected norm. If they can't behave appropriately, then they should loose privaledges. Rewards are for special occasions or excellence, i.e. birthdays, holidays, making "A's" on their report cards, etc. Not to keep them from misbehaving. We will come back to this topic in the Choices and Consequences section in Empowering Parents. OK, that's enough on this for now. Let's move on... If you are divorced or separated and both ex's have co-custody are have parental rights, you need to read the Divorced (or Separated) Co-Parenting page. Are you a single parent? Then there is a short page just for you, single parents. Parenting Basics Index:Top Horse: Who's the Parent?
Walk Your Talk Consistency Co-Parenting Divorced or Separated Co-Parenting Single Parenting Assertiveness Feeling Safe Because I Say So Accountability Communication: basic listening skills Communication: non-verbals Being Real and Authentic |
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