Consistency
Parental consistency is a mandatory requirement for effective parenting. We could just end it right there, but let's elaborate...
| Horse Tips: My trainer, Carl, continually gets on my case about being consistent with Apache and Mustang Sally. When I'm not consistent, they get mixed messages from me about what is OK and what is not or what I want them to do. Same with troubled teens. |
For me being consistent takes a lot of energy--at least some of the time. Because of my personality type, I often have a fairly relaxed attitude about what I want my horses to do when. I am a "P" on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (Myers and Briggs. 1980. Gifts Differing. CPP Books, Palo Alto, CA). I had the same trouble when my kids were growing up. My wife is much better at it, but she is a P also.
Which
brings up another point. One of the sources of conflict and
miscommunication between parents and teens, between couples, and
between people in general, has to do with personality type differences.
If you understand the differences, altering your communication
style can often lead to much more effective communication between you
and your troubled teen. Here is a link for finding out something about
your personality type: click here. Close off the page when your are finished and you can come back here.
How
is a parent consistent? Parental consistency means doing something the
same way from one time to the next. It is the way to develop healthy
(and unhealthy) habits and behaviors in your teen (and yourself). So,
if you are consistent time after time with your teen, insisting
s/he does it the same way each time, you are more likely to develop
this as a mode of behavior. If you give mixed messages, how can you
expect him or her to give you consistent behaviors.
Let's take slamming doors as a hypothetical example. If your teen slams a door and one time you call him on it and the next time you don't, what is the message to him? That sometimes it is OK to slam the door. If you consistently remind him, or better yet, have him go back and do it correctly, he will more likely remember next time. OK, so much for this topic.
Parenting Basics Index:
Top Horse: Who's the Parent?
Walk Your Talk
Consistency
Co-Parenting
Divorced or Separated Co-Parenting
Single Parenting
Assertiveness
Feeling Safe
Because I Say So
Accountability
Communication: basic listening skills
Communication: non-verbals
Being Real and Authentic